I don’t always understand the way people look at me, and I don’t know why they treat me differently from my friends. I don’t know why, Mom, but sometimes it’s hard because of how my head is. It’s exhausting, Mom. But it’s okay.
The other day, I saw the teachers at daycare talking to each other while looking at my toy cars. What’s wrong with my toy cars? I think they look fine, all lined up next to each other. I like it when things are lined up straight. I feel good when things are the same. It reassures me—I can’t help it. But it’s okay.
I don’t really like being around other people, Mom. I feel suffocated, I panic, and there’s a knot inside me. I can’t explain it, but it makes me feel really bad. So I scream really loud to get it out. I’m fine on my own, just being quiet.
My mind is capable of doing a lot of things, but in a different way. I can accomplish many feats; I just have to take different paths. Sometimes it goes unnoticed. Sometimes people don’t realize how much effort it takes for me. But that’s okay.
You and I know. We know I can solve puzzles almost with my eyes closed. We know I know every type of airplane by heart. I just need my own space, which is a little bigger than everyone else’s. It’s okay, Mom.
You tell me every day: I’m a champion. I know that sometimes you’re tired and that you find it hard to deal with me at times. But you know, Mom, I didn’t choose to be this way.
But I did choose you—the mom who’s strong enough to support me through all my challenges, the mom who’s determined enough to push me beyond my limits and keep pushing them further and further. The mom who’s patient and loving enough to understand how I work and adapt our daily life to fit that. The mom who has what it takes to rise to the challenge of this unique journey. I’m going to amaze you—you’ll see. I’m not the label people put on me—I’m so much more; I’m ME. I’m a champion, the son of an amazing mom, and together we’re going to succeed. I love you, Mom.
Caroline Goudreault, stepping into the shoes of a child who’s different