People often say that our mothers only want what’s best for us, but sometimes even the best intentions can hurt—especially when it comes to body image. Over time, I’ve realized that my mother has projected a lot onto me. My mom often says she needs to lose weight or that she has wrinkles, even though she looks gorgeous as she approaches sixty. The cognitive distortion of her body image is very real in her mind—so much so that she’s passed this negative mindset on to me. By the time I was 13, I was already watching what I ate so I wouldn’t gain weight.
At my shower, my mom told me to stop eating so I wouldn’t gain too much weight. You know, on the very day I was supposed to be overflowing with happiness and love. I had just come to terms with my changing body—a round belly, more stretch marks than I could count, and excessive water retention in my lower body.
Yet, during my pregnancy, I didn’t overindulge and I didn’t go on a diet! I was careful while still allowing myself to splurge every now and then! When my mom said that to me, I was outraged! Outraged that I was being told yet again to watch what I eat, outraged that my weight was being discussed—despite the fact that I had little control over my body and, above all, that I was in the midst of creating a little human being. I looked at her and kept eating. Not as if I’d had much time to eat during the event, what with taking care of our guests.My mom has been saying the same kind of thing to me for 15 years. How many times have I heard my mom tell me I need to watch what I eat! Yet I’m nowhere near off the charts on the scale, but I don’t have the body of a European model either!
During our maternity photo shoot, my partner told me he’d love to take all the negative thoughts out of my head and replace them with his own. I felt like crying—unable to see myself as beautiful even though my partner had been looking at me all day with eyes full of love. And yet, I get lovely compliments about my baby bump when I go out to run errands, even on my worst “bad hair day.”
When are we going to put a stop to these negative thoughts and ideologies spewed by gossip magazines? When are we going to teach our daughters to love themselves for who they are—not for what they are? I’m giving beauty standards the middle finger! I’m saying “stop” to destructive thoughts about our bodies! And let’s open our hearts to ourselves!
Ladies, you are beautiful! And I am beautiful!