Here we go—I’m going back to work. My baby is lucky enough to have a spot in full-time daycare, and I have to get used to the idea: real life is about to begin. Luckily, we have time for a gradual transition, so I went to spend an hour with my son in his future environment. Here’s what I thought:
1. Well, today’s the day I become a daycare
widow. 2. Wasn’t my baby born just last week?
3. I’m sure he was. I haven’t spent enough time with him. I’m going to complain.
4. I’d compare my desire to go there to… a stomach bug
. 5. I’m going to dress him up super cute so he’ll be the teachers’ favorite.
6. He better not end up liking them more than me, though…
7. Come to think of it, I don’t need to lug around the diaper bag anymore. It feels weird…
8. Maybe I could bring him a toy or two so he’ll feel at home?
9. Ugh, overprotective mom—they have everything you need there
10. Damn it, I don’t have my wallet—it’s in the diaper bag that’s been my everyday bag for the past 7 months
11. I’m going to drive slowly…
12. Okay, let’s walk into the lion’s den.
13. Should I drop him off?
14. WOW, that little one crawls really fast
15. My God, mine just figured out how to move forward… and he’s going as fast as a retiree on a Harley on a sunny
Sunday 16. Ah! He’s two months older—that’s normal. Phew, mine isn’t behind!
17. Oh, he’s going to steal my baby’s
toy 18. *fighting the urge to call him “the eel”*
19. Oh, well, yeah, and he’s breaking the toy too…
20. Okoumé told us so, sweetie: “There’ll always be some jerk to break your little toys.”
21. Mine really is the cutest, isn’t he?
22. Didn’t I say that?
23. Uh, someone’s got snot running down their nose.
24. Oh, another one here.
25. Sweetie, please don’t play with him. Or her.
26. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH—IT MUST BE FULL OF GERMS!!
27. Ugh, that too!!
28. … I’m going to have to let go, I think
29. I don’t know how many diapers the teachers change per day?
30. Or how many noses they wipe?
31. Probably enough for their job to rank VERY low on the list of jobs I’d ever do
32. Oh right, there’s still one signature missing on the registration papers…
33. My little darling, I have to go down to the director’s office. HANG IN THERE—I’ll be
right back. 34. Okay, excuse me, Director—my baby’s swimming in other kids’ snot; I have to go rescue him if I don’t want him to catch scurvy
. 35. Hey, baby? Okay—he didn’t even notice I left
. 36. Does he love me?
37. I don’t know what’s worse: that your baby cries his heart out when you leave him, or that he couldn’t care less?
38. Well, I know the answer to that question. Still, he could’ve pouted a little.
39. Ooooh, he’s playing with a little girl
. 41. He must already love her more than me
. 42. Well, maybe I need to work on my self-confidence
. 43. Oh hey, don’t stare her right out of her eyes, girl!
44. How do the teachers manage to keep an eye on 10 little crawling worms at the same time without anyone getting hurt??
45. I’m already dreading birthday parties where I’ll have to handle a bunch of little humans… and they do this all week long!!
46. This job is dropping lower and lower on my list, while my respect for those girls is growing proportionally
. 47. Okay, enough for today. We’ll come back to this tomorrow.
48. Or next year…