One day, my son was wearing a T-shirt that my godmother had kindly given him, which read “Future ladies’ man.”
It was an innocent little T-shirt, and my son looked absolutely adorable in it. But I made the mistake of repeating to my father-in-law a joke that had inspired this T-shirt—one that my godmother’s daughter had simply said: “Or future heartthrob for the guys!” ” The idea was to say that he’s so handsome that little girls AND boys would fall for him.
What followed was a conversation that was—how should I put it? Backward?
His grandson wouldn’t be gay because he plays soccer with his grandfather…
I jokingly told him that it was a well-known fact that soccer immunized children against homosexuality. He didn’t realize I was gently mocking the naivety of his remarks. I added, more seriously, that my son’s hypothetical homosexuality wouldn’t be determined by whether he chose to play soccer. That he could do ballet, if he wanted, and still be straight. That I would love him with all my heart, regardless of his orientation—that it didn’t matter at all.
“Oh no! Don’t say that!”
I got the impression that, to him, I’d just cast a curse on my son. Let’s face it, the possibility that he might one day be gay is just that—a possibility. Just as it’s entirely possible that he won’t be. Who cares anyway! In the meantime, he’s a baby. His sexual orientation is far, far away in my thoughts—and nowhere near his yet—and won’t be for many years to come.
I’ve been told I can’t change old ways of thinking. Well, I’d find it a real shame not to try, because it horrifies and exasperates me. I can, at a stretch, understand that for a certain religious generation, it’s pretty hard to swallow when your children step outside the heterosexual mold. But at some point, you have to get over it. If it makes a difference to you that my son might, eventually, hypothetically, be gay later on, well, that’s too bad for you. As for my son, he was born to a couple who love him unconditionally and who will encourage him to have self-confidence, no matter what outdated expectations others might try to impose on him.