The accusations, the shouting, the tears, the spirit of revenge taking hold—doing everything to get the biggest piece of the pie. Who’s right, who’s wrong?
Our two babies, our two long-awaited boys, are now nothing more than a checkmark on a mediation checklist. How did we end up here? I used to love you, but I don’t love you anymore. A million reasons led me to decide to end our relationship. There were highs, but too many lows took over. I’m a romantic, and I dare to believe that love still exists (Céline, I love you!) somewhere out there. A couple who decides to start a family never suspects it might end one day. We love each other, we have children, and then everything falls apart. Too many expectations, too many sleepless nights, too many disagreements about raising the kids, your mother being too involved.
Chaos set in when I least expected it. The outbursts of anger that consume you aren’t part of who I am, but they’ve become part of my daily life. I was the only one doing all the work, and God only knows how exhausting that is in the long run. I wore myself out trying too hard to love you without expecting anything in return. I accepted everything about you—your anger, your contempt, your arrogance, your narcissistic personality, and above all, the fact that you weren’t there for the children. One day, I realized all of this and decided to put an end to this life, which wasn’t the one we’d dreamed of. And that’s when you realized it, too—you took the children hostage, using them as a bargaining chip to get what you wanted. Suddenly, I had become the worst mother imaginable, and you did everything you could to make me believe it. Doubt crept into my mind, and you even eroded everything good that was inside me. I tried everything to piece back together the vase you smashed against the wall when we were expecting our first child, but to no avail.
But one day I picked myself up, with the help of everyone around me, and I realized that the problem wasn’t me, nor even you: the problem is us, together. I used to love you, but I don’t love you anymore.