Unlike some moms, I was really looking forward to going back to work. Even though I really wanted my baby and love her with an indescribable love, she’s been very active since birth and doesn’t want to miss a thing about the world around her. She sleeps very little or falls asleep in places where it’s impossible for me to rest. For example, while nursing, in the car, or in the stroller. If, by some misfortune, she falls asleep in her bouncer, well, don’t even try to move her—and avoid making a farting sound—because her little eyes will suddenly pop open and say: “Pay attention to me, right now! Where’s my mom?”
At the start of my maternity leave, I found this really difficult because I didn’t know such a thing existed. Like many moms, I’d compare myself to others while watching mom vlogs when I was breastfeeding my baby. Their babies would nap for a total of at least 5 hours a day. Phew, that was far from my reality! Still, I really should have seen it coming with all those kicks I felt while I was pregnant. Well, pardon my language, but I hit the jackpot! I gave birth to a beautiful little girl weighing 7.5 pounds who’s a light sleeper, full of energy, and throws incredible tantrums when she’s upset. My plans to binge-watch Netflix shows or improve my English quickly went out the window! As someone who used to be organized down to the last detail, I had to learn to let go and stop planning anything other than appointments. I had to adapt to her—her sleep schedule, her temperament, and her energy level.
Don’t think this happened overnight. On the contrary, it was quite a process. You know, a baby who sleeps very little and is constantly on the go—it’s exhausting. You can’t get your daily chores done, and by the end of the day, when your partner comes home, you feel incompetent because nothing’s done or everything’s half-done. It feels like a tornado has swept through your house. You might say that housework isn’t important, but for me, when my surroundings are tidy, my mind is too. The worst part of it all was that when my partner came home, he could see the mess, started wondering what was going on, and pitched in with nothing but good intentions. That didn’t satisfy me, because that wasn’t what I needed—I needed some time to myself, even if just for a few minutes. I would have liked him to take care of our little one so I could do the chores and clear my mind. Let’s just say it took a few heated discussions before he finally understood what I really needed.
Becoming a mother for the first time is already uncharted territory, and having a baby with so much energy can easily throw you off balance. That’s actually why I wanted to talk about it—because, I’ll admit, I felt completely overwhelmed and exhausted. At first, my partner was there to help during the first few weeks, but after that, I felt like my daughter was like a little fish attached to a big one: she feeds on the parasites on their backs and never leaves them! It really drains you over time, and it’s extremely unsettling to go from “I have plenty of time” to “I don’t have a single minute to myself.” Goodbye, “me time”—what a change!
At night when it’s time for bed, I tell myself, “Okay, I’m finally going to get a break…” Well… no. She throws a tantrum because she doesn’t want to sleep. So I’m forced to bring her into my bed and lie down with her to buy some peace. Yeah, that’s what I do: I buy peace! I’ve tried every trick in the book, but there’s nothing I can do—she just keeps screaming. Even though all her needs are met, she just wants Mom. Her dad and I are both calm by nature—it just goes to show, they develop their own personalities so quickly!
But you know, despite all her intensity, I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. She’s clingy, affectionate, and yes, she needs reassurance more than other babies, but she’s our baby—a baby with intense needs, our BABI.