Yeah! Dad’s back home—I’ll finally get some help taking care of the kids, catch up on sleep, split the household chores, and maybe even have some time to myself. In our dreams and fantasies, things always seem better than they are in reality. I love it when my partner is home—he helps me out so much, he enjoys spending time with his kids and our family—in short, it’s perfect in theory. Often, when he leaves, I’m more tired than when I’m alone. When he’s here, we try to make progress on home projects, do family activities, and have a good time.
However, since we keep ourselves busy, we can’t tackle daily chores at the same time. So I end up doing them on my own during my extra hours throughout the day—because they have to get done. At least he’s there to play with and watch over the kids; that makes my job easier and gets things done faster. BUT! I thought I’d have less to do—or at least that we’d share the load…
The last time he was with us, I told him that I felt like I had more to do when he was home than when he wasn’t. Yet the chores are pretty much the same. One more person to plan meals for, one more person’s laundry to do—but I’m already doing that, so a little more shouldn’t be a big deal. So I asked myself: Why?
The simple fact that my routine changes when he’s around makes a big difference. You might say I don’t need to change my routine, but I guarantee you I do. Even if I didn’t do it on purpose, it just happens on its own. Once the kids are asleep, I tidy up a bit around the house and go to bed as early as possible, no matter what time it is. When I’m lucky enough to have my boyfriend with me, I stay up to watch TV or movies, to chat—in short, just to enjoy the time we have to ourselves.
Even though we don’t have as much time together as we’d like, we make sure to set aside at least one evening and one morning each week for ourselves.
While one of us watches the kids, the other can sleep, read, run errands, see friends, and so on. Because even though he’s always alone, I mustn’t forget that he’s not on vacation either. It’s important for him, too, that when he’s at home, he can have some time to himself. Maybe he deserves a few uninterrupted nights, but he works far from his family, which isn’t easy when you have little ones in your life.
Nevertheless, raising children is a two-person effort, and respect and sharing of responsibilities should come naturally. With love, communication, and kindness, we always manage to reach a good compromise.