With the separation still painful, we have to plan our first holiday schedule. These two weeks are so important—for bringing the family together, for seeing the wonder in our children’s eyes on Christmas morning. Neither of us wants to miss this moment. We both want our children with us. One of us wants to keep them here; the other wants to take them several hours’ drive away.
Of course, we want what’s best for our children. We don’t want to deprive them of anything. We tell ourselves that we’re not the first ones to go through this, that we’ll be able to work it out. However, for us, this is the first time—the first time we’ve had to be apart from our children during such an important time of the year.
Doubts and guilt start to creep in. I’m the one who made the decision—maybe he should at least get what he wants this year, and we’ll do the opposite next year. Why should he get his way? He doesn’t want me to do what I want for Christmas even though he doesn’t have any plans of his own, so why should I agree to his New Year’s plans?
Several times I think about bringing up the subject, but every time, I back down. I don’t want to know if this year will be the first time I’ll spend Christmas or New Year’s without my children. When we’re able to talk about it, it doesn’t last more than a few minutes, since my throat tightens up. I put on a brave face because I made the decision and I should have expected everything that would come with it. But that’s not true… every day we talk about it, come evening, I break down and cry.
Just because my marriage wasn’t working anymore doesn’t mean I have to be separated from my children. I have the right to feel emotional, disappointed, and sad about all the changes that will take place over the next year. I have the right to feel this way, and it’s normal. This reality is also part of my grieving process for my family; we have to learn to live on even after a separation. However, no matter which parent made the decision, we have to learn to compromise—if only for the sake of our little treasures. Whether we’re angry, disappointed, or devastated by the other person, our children must remain our priority.
I don’t know who I’ll be with or where I’ll be for Christmas or New Year’s. However, I do know that I want my little darlings to have fun. I want them to be happy. When it’s my turn to be with them, I’ll make the most of every minute I spend with them.
What are your suggestions for recently separated parents, and what are your plans for the holidays?