It’s a fact: more and more couples are splitting up. We fall in love; we decide to start a family; we think we’ll spend the rest of our lives with that person; we choose them for better or for worse—but unfortunately, all too often, it doesn’t end that way. Even if the romance didn’t last forever, the role of a parent is for life. So you have to continue to have a relationship with the other parent… that other parent you’re no longer in love with and with whom you’ve decided not to share your life anymore—they’ll continue to be a part of it, but in a different way.
You have the choice to have a good or a bad relationship with the other parent. Again, this requires cooperation from both people. I’d really like to know the percentage of people who manage their separation successfully for the sake of the children. I know it’s difficult at first and that it takes time to heal, but despite the hatred or anger, there are parents who handle their separation really well. I know that time can improve things, but for some, right from the start, there’s mutual respect, and they’re able to act like adults. For others, it’s hell, and the less contact there is, the better.
I know there are plenty of wonderful stories where exes have close, supportive relationships. They’re good parents and act in their children’s best interests. Take, for example, my partner’s relationship with the mother of his daughters. They share custody and can help each other out with the kids depending on their availability during holidays or school professional development days. They call each other to check in if there’s a specific situation with one of the kids. They often plan the girls’ birthday parties together. We even plan activities and dinners with her and her new partner from time to time, and everyone gets along very well.
For me, it’s more complicated… I don’t have that kind of relationship. It’s more like a roller coaster, even after all these years. I know not everyone is capable of reaching that point, but even without having to become best friends or go out to dinner together, there should be a basic level of respect for the other parent.
I hope that among you, there are more happy people who have good relationships with the other parent than there are broken families where tension reigns and disagreements are commonplace. We’re parents for the rest of our lives, for better or for worse.