After a rather stressful pregnancy, we decided not to have a second biological child.
Although this decision was difficult, it seemed like the best choice for our little family. Our desire to give our child a little sister or brother was no less strong, however.
After a period of grieving, we explored our options. I’ll admit that my partner was pretty skeptical when I suggested mixed-family adoption. Welcoming a child from strangers into our home and loving them as if they were our own—all while knowing full well that they might leave us someday—is a huge challenge. On paper, you tell yourself: “Phew, this is going to be tough.” In reality, it’s much worse than that. Since we have a biological child, our biggest challenge is explaining to her that her friend might not stay with us for life. It’s preparing her for the possibility that he might leave us. It’s explaining to her that he isn’t her brother, but just a friend who sleeps over at our house.
This journey is an emotional roller coaster. I was confident that I’d love this little one from the very first glance. In fact, you can’t really know until you’ve been through it. When the child arrived home, my husband instantly hugged him and told him he already loved him. As for me, my feelings were mixed. It didn’t feel natural for me to declare my love for him right away, and I didn’t want to force anything. I told myself I’d give myself time to bond with him. Then, the next day, as I was rocking him, he fell asleep. He looked so peaceful in my arms. I kissed his forehead, and the words just came out on their own: “I love you!”
Of course, as you might imagine, that was just one “I love you” among the many that followed, but I’ll always remember that moment when I realized that after less than 24 hours together, I already couldn’t bear to be apart from this little one.
Life is full of surprises and comes with its share of challenges. We made a big decision by welcoming this child into our home, and no matter what the future holds, I will never regret it. Watching him grow, develop, and thrive within our family is the greatest gift we could ask for.
I recently read a quote that perfectly captures what mixed-family foster families are all about.
Here it is:
“We didn’t give you the gift of life. Life gave us the gift of your presence.”