It’s easy to underestimate how important certain debates can become. To us, a choice might seem trivial and inconsequential, while to the other person it’s of the utmost importance. Or we might assume the other person will simply go along with us without giving it much thought, when in fact they’ve already made up their mind. When I was talking about it with my friend, I told her quite simply that my husband wouldn’t have an opinion on the matter and would just accept my decision without any resistance. Big mistake!
It all started when my daughter’s future godfather called my husband to discuss his baptism gift for my little princess. He was acting as a go-between for us and asked me if I was planning to have our daughter’s ears pierced soon. “Um, no.”—“What do you mean, no?” And just like that, without even realizing it, my daughter’s godfather had just kicked things off. Still on the line, he heard us start to get heated as we traded arguments for and against ear piercing.
For me, it meant making a decision for her without letting her have a say; it meant causing her pain (I know, it’s much less painful than it used to be) for no good reason. It meant piercing holes in that little body that’s so perfect just the way it is. I admit I find myself a bit hypocritical for saying this, especially considering that I have pierced ears, a tattoo, and used to have my tongue pierced. I should point out, however, that I got all of those when I was old enough to make my own decisions.
For my husband, it was about making her look more feminine, so we wouldn’t have to explain to strangers that we have a little girl (she’s dressed all in pink, and people still ask me about it—two little diamonds in her ears…). It was about doing what all parents of little girls do, since EVERYONE gets their little girl’s ears pierced (but I’m not one to follow the crowd). For him, it was simply beautiful (to me, my daughter is beauty incarnate—nothing could make her any more beautiful).
Angry, he ended up threatening to take her to get her ears pierced without me being there. I know full well that it was just an empty threat. He’d never do anything without my consent, because even though we don’t always agree on certain aspects of raising our kids, we talk it out, we discuss things, and in the few cases where we don’t reach a consensus, I’m always the one who gets my way.
Joking aside, we’ve had this discussion three times and, unfortunately, haven’t come up with any new arguments, so, in the absence of a decision, we simply decided not to act. Which means you could say I won. However, I consider us both winners, because we have a harmonious relationship—yes, one punctuated by more heated discussions, but always with open communication. So the piercing will have to wait…
Valérie Louise Pesant