Am I right to be so worried when I send my child to daycare? And if your child could talk, what do you think they would say to you?
Hi! I’m Milan!
I’m 18 months old. I have a mom, a dad, and a big brother! Of course, if I have parents, that means I also have a grandma, a grandpa, a grandma, a grandpa, a godfather, a godmother, aunts, and uncles… Not to mention all my parents’ friends who play a role in my life too!
I also wanted to tell you about Jessica—I’ve seen her almost every day since I was 8 months old. She’s really nice to me: she sings nursery rhymes to me, rocks me, teaches me animal sounds, and makes me laugh. Sometimes she says “no” to me, but she always ends up giving me a big hug afterward. I like it when she says “no” to me, even if I give her a dirty look, because she’s teaching me boundaries. She helps me understand that I’m not the “center of the universe”—unlike how I feel when I’m with the gang I mentioned in the first paragraph! I heard Mom say that later on, I won’t remember her anymore! Mom is right. My little memory might forget who Jessica was. On the other hand, I know that I’ll have little seeds inside me that will grow thanks to her time in my life.
I remember when I’d hear Mom say she was going to have to go back to work. She’d say that leaving me broke her heart. I wanted to tell Mom not to worry, that I’d always be there when she got home from work… “I’ll wait for you, Mom—don’t worry about it.” I wanted her to understand that growing up with other adults would allow me to trust (myself, adults, children, and life), to build my character (which, by the way, is much tougher than my older brother’s), to be more resourceful, to be more go-getting, to develop emotional security, and to start identifying with myself and not just through my parents. I felt that my mom was tormented by guilt for not being the one to teach me how to say: “moo… pit, pit, pit… meow!” I wanted to tell her, “Why are you stressing yourself out so much when you say I won’t even remember later who taught me that?”
Does Mom think she has to teach me everything? Does that make her feel insecure and sad? Is Mom going to decide to keep me all to herself to make sure all my needs are met the way she thinks is best? Is she going to stop herself from trusting others, just in case?
Remember, I told you I’m 18 months old. I don’t talk yet (yes… Mom knows: 18 months = 18 words), but I think a lot… I think that if my mom doesn’t become aware of her “thoughts, beliefs, and preconceived notions”—if she doesn’t see that these are causing her to feel fear, sadness, and mistrust—she might end up keeping me close to her all the time to ease her own sense of insecurity! However, she’ll be a little less responsive to my needs: my need for security and my need for respect!
“Mom, please don’t be afraid!”
- Karine