I remember the day I became a mom; I swore to myself that my life would only get better and that I would finally feel truly alive! It turned out to be quite different…and not just for me. I look around and see all these moms…not these women. The day motherhood was bestowed upon us, a piece of our femininity disappeared. Many of us put everything else aside and make our children our top priority. Over time, I’ve learned that you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others (children, partners, family, or friends). Let me explain.
Life moves fast these days, and many of us are caught juggling very busy schedules to balance work and family. We’re exhausted, worn out, constantly racing against the clock, and we feel guilty about leaving our children at daycare for too long or no longer having time for the little gestures we used to do for our partners. We rarely take a bath to relax, and girls’ nights out are almost nonexistent. At this pace, we quickly become exhausted. Fatigue then leads to a lack of patience—toward our coworkers, our partners, or our children. We’re no longer the moms we dreamed of being… the “supermoms.” So we feel guilty and try to do even more… and that’s when the vicious cycle begins. The more we do, the more exhausted we get, and the more we end up doing things the wrong way.
There comes a time when we step back and no longer recognize ourselves. We no longer know what we love, what our hobbies are, or even how to make time for ourselves. But when we realize that, in the end, we aren’t really that happy—despite everything we have—it’s like a slap in the face. We have to do something about it. That “something” starts with making time for ourselves. The secret is to set aside time for everything: time for ourselves, time for our relationship (because if we forget about our partner, the relationship eventually fades away), and time for the kids. Once we start making time for ourselves, we’re more efficient and less tired. We rediscover our femininity and realize we’re not just moms. But our role as a mom will always be very important, and the secret to being a good mom is being a happy and fulfilled woman. So it all starts with the woman you are before you even think about existing for someone else.
Audrey Cloutier