When I got pregnant for the first time, everyone was thrilled. People didn’t really ask if it was planned or what I was going to do. They just told me that having a child changes your life and that I was in for a wonderful experience.
Same thing with my second pregnancy. We’d already told everyone we were trying, so it wasn’t really a surprise when we announced the pregnancy, but people were happy for us.
Third pregnancy—not quite the same reaction. People were like, “Oh, hey, three—that’s a nice round number for a family.” What gives you the right to say I’ve finished having kids? “Well, in 2017, three is a lot, right? The average family has two.” I don’t give a s*** about other people! If I want 11 kids, that’s my business.
And then: BOOM! Baby No. 4 shows up out of the blue! It’s the end of the world, isn’t it! My mom had a full-blown panic attack, asking me how on earth I was going to manage—come on! Later, when I met people and we told them the news, they’d ask if it was planned before even saying congratulations. Seriously, they’d look at me with pity, as if I’d just announced that I had an incurable disease!
Once Baby No. 4 arrived, everyone decided for us that it was time to close the “family line”—that four was way too many. The first thing the doctor asked me—like two hours after giving birth—was, “So, who should I schedule the appointment for?” When I told my parents and in-laws that we weren’t sure whether to stop or try for one last one… here’s what they said:
-Oh, no way! That’s just a no!
-You’re asking for trouble, girl!
-You can’t do that!
-Come on! You’re already lucky to have just one who’s autistic—don’t push your luck!
Okay, let’s set the record straight right here and now! If my husband and I decided tomorrow morning to have another one, that’s our business and ours alone! When a mom tells you she’s pregnant, you congratulate her and then you shut up! When a mom tells you she’s trying for her 16th, you can say, “Wow, that’s going to be one big, beautiful family”…
No matter what the case, if she hasn’t asked for your opinion, keep your mouth shut! If you’re worried about her because she seems at her wit’s end, ask her how she’s doing, but for heaven’s sake, keep your trite comments to yourself.
At the end of the day, it’s her life, her uterus. Because even if you’re happy to stop at two and can’t imagine living with more kids, that doesn’t take anything away from you—and you’re just as awesome as the mom who wants six. Because I know that, for my part, after going through a major depression, people worry about me—but tell me that instead of bursting my pregnancy bubble! Because I’ll say it again: it’s my uterus, and it’s none of anyone’s business how many kids I want.
And finally, for those who are curious, my husband went under the knife after a month of sleepless nights!
Blue Mom