I remember, about a dozen years ago now, that time when I didn’t have any kids. Even back then, everyone knew I had only one dream: to be a mom. I was a highly sought-after babysitter, loved by parents and kids alike; I worked as a children’s party entertainer and was studying to become an early childhood educator. My passion: little ones. I love stepping into their magical world, telling bedtime stories, dressing up, and making them laugh. I wanted kids more than anything.
The men I dated knew about my desire to be a mom—I never hid it. It was completely inconceivable to me to get attached to someone who didn’t want to start a family. My own family asked about it too—out of curiosity, I think. Especially if a boyfriend was getting serious. We’d bring it up during family gatherings.
I’ll admit, not everyone asked me about it directly. I do remember, however, hearing time and time again from my family, close friends, and others: “I hope you get to be a mom.” In greeting cards, too, and in conversations. Not out of meanness or to invade my privacy. Just because, deep down, people wanted to see my dream come true.
I’m so lucky; both of my pregnancies were relatively easy, and I got pregnant very quickly. I never tracked my ovulation or anything like that. I know that for some of my friends and family members, it’s a completely different story. How I wished, for them too, that their dream would come true!
I also know how much it hurts when people meddle in the family planning of those they care about. Even if the comments are meant to be full of empathy, compassion, and encouragement, they can sometimes do more harm than good. When you’re single (and you get asked, “When are you going to bring a boyfriend home?”) and people pity you and remind you that you need a boyfriend to have a baby, it hurts. When the age gap between your kids widens and people pressure you to hurry up and give your firstborn a little sister or brother, it hurts. Even when you’re asked if you want another child and the answer is no, why keep pushing? Anyway, as my grandma would say, “Only fools never change their minds.”
I know people love babies; there’s nothing like a new little life to breathe fresh air into things. But please, stop asking couples who are struggling to conceive when the baby is due. I’m convinced that if that little miracle were finally on the way, they’d share the news with love and pride. And to the new couple gently navigating this new chapter of their lives, don’t ask when they’re expecting. Instead, save your excitement for their big announcement—when life has finally given them the most beautiful gift of all.