The first few weeks with a newborn are always like a honeymoon. You’re floating on a beautiful little cloud. With my daughter, it was so easy—she slept well, fed well, and had only the mild tummy aches typical of a newborn, which were easy to manage. With my son, it was a whole different story. The crying and tummy aches just wouldn’t go away. Some friends told me to stop eating dairy products; others told me it would pass; and the doctor said it was normal for a baby to have reflux and a stomachache after every feeding. He said his rash was just normal and wasn’t caused by my diet.
Who should I believe, who should I listen to? In the end, it was a process of trial and error until the day I was told that I had to follow a special diet—an elimination diet—if I wanted to continue breastfeeding and see if that was the cause of my baby’s problem. A real slap in the face—that’s the only way to describe it. The words: “Ma’am, you have to stop consuming EVERYTHING that contains dairy products and EVERYTHING that contains cow’s milk protein.” From the very beginning, I’d been telling everyone around me that I’d never have the energy to do that, that it was way too much for me. But when a doctor tells you that you have to do it if you absolutely want to keep breastfeeding, that’s a whole different story.
All of a sudden, I find myself at the grocery store, in the allergy and intolerance aisle, and I don't know fuck all What to buy. I wander through the other aisles, looking at ALL the ingredients, but I don't recognize half the names. After looking at 6 or 7 products, I'm completely confused. I read the ingredients list 10 to 15 times before telling myself, “This one must be safe“… ” In short, I’m totally discouraged, but I tell myself it’s for my baby and it’s only for two short weeks. In the end, the feeling lingers, and I have to keep going, because to really know if this is it, I have to stick to this diet for at least 5 weeks. My iced cappuccino from the Tim Hortons I miss you, my Buenos In front of the TV at night, too—and when eating out as well (because when you’re on this diet, eating without milk or other allergens is really hard when you’re eating anywhere other than your own little kitchen). In short, I’m hungry. I can’t eat anything I feel like eating. And I don’t feel like eating anything I can eat. And let’s be honest, plant-based milk—no matter what kind—isn’t drinkable. Those “healthy” bars are way too healthy for my taste; they just sit in my mouth, and I get sick of everything I cook pretty quickly. On top of that, I’m not naturally much of a cook to begin with, and now, overnight, I have to cook EVERYTHING I eat.
That said, I don’t feel like I’m in the best of mental shape right now. Some days I cry every 30 minutes, and other days I go to bed thinking, “Actually, it’s not that bad…” BUT I wouldn’t want to do that for five weeks—no, thank you. I admire all the mothers who follow these diets. I read about all these moms who have to cut out soy, milk, beef protein, gluten, etc., and I can’t for the life of me understand how they do it or what they eat.
I love my son, but not being able to eat whatever I want—just so I can breastfeed—takes a lot more willpower for me. Hats off to all those moms who, every day, deny themselves the food they’d so love to eat. Hats off to all those moms who put their baby’s needs before their own cravings to eat whatever they want. Hats off to all those moms who, every day, do everything they can to resist the temptation to eat something they shouldn’t.
And above all, hats off to the moms who, by choice, decided to stop breastfeeding because that diet was too much for them. Choosing to follow an elimination diet is a big decision, but choosing not to continue it—or simply not to start it in the first place—is also a big decision. Crying because you want to keep breastfeeding, but making the decision to stop out of respect for yourself—that’s also a sign of strength, just as much as it is for those who cut certain foods out of their diet. A happy mom raises a happy baby. And simply thinking of your baby’s well-being—knowing that your mental health isn’t ready for all of this or just can’t handle it anymore—is what makes you an exceptional and perfect mom.
Kudos to all the moms who are dealing with food intolerances and allergies while caring for their little babies. Kudos for making the best decisions for you and your baby.