We are social beings. We need human connection, no matter how much or how little. But deep down, why?
It all comes down to our need for approval, love, and, undoubtedly, the recognition of those around us. Sometimes, it even becomes a problem.
I’ll admit, this has been the case for me for a long time. I have this need to be loved and approved of, and I think what matters most is that people are thinking of me. That familiar feeling of being forgotten—which no one really wants—is what makes us feel sad and vulnerable. Ultimately, we need to work on letting go and, of course, building our self-confidence. This is an ongoing, arduous process.
Not being forgotten is completely out of our control, no matter how hard we try. Just because we think about our family or friends doesn’t mean they feel the same way. Deep down, it’s normal—it’s not up to us to decide. If they reach out to us less often than we do, it doesn’t mean they love us any less. It’s easy to say that, but it can still be painful. That question we often ask ourselves: Am I interesting? Of course I am, but you can’t please everyone. It’s hard—it really takes a toll on your self-confidence.
Rejection is part of life; getting along with everyone isn’t possible, and we have to accept that. Maybe we’re the cause—so what? Having to change our personality isn’t the answer. I’ve already gone to great lengths to make others like me, and keeping up that pace is difficult—I quickly burned out. I also realized I was rowing against the current and getting absolutely nothing out of it. Because no matter how much you want everyone to like you, when it’s a lost cause from the start, you don’t make any progress in that need for connection.
Over time, I’ve come to realize that it’s better to stop feeling guilty about doing what’s best for me rather than trying to please others. And to stop asking myself if I’m being good enough to others, but instead start asking myself if they’re good enough for me.
I’m working hard, and it’s with much more self-confidence that I’ve been able to write this. It took years, but it is possible to improve. Above all, I have to love myself, and I’m getting there step by step. I’m managing to achieve that sense of detachment that relieves me of a lot of social pressure. I love people, and those around me do me a world of good. My door is always open to new encounters, but I have to pick my battles—and loving myself above all else is a pretty fierce one.