I might come across as the demanding mom or the one who’s completely in denial about her child’s needs, but I want to make this clear right away: I’m genuinely looking for answers, not just trying to make a point about X, Y, or Z. I really don’t understand, and I’ve never found THE person who can explain to me why it’s important to know your own label—or your child’s.
Ever since he started elementary school, people have been telling me that my child is different. Of course, I’ve always known he’s shy and a loner. At kids’ parties, he always preferred to play with toy cars, alone in a corner, rather than join the group playing tag. He’s always been more of an artist than an athlete, so despite all my attempts to get him into a sport, his passion remains the fine arts. In kindergarten, they wanted to test him for hypersensitivity. I was told that this might explain why he has trouble talking to strangers or why he takes longer to make friends. The occupational therapist’s conclusion after the $600 evaluation: he’s shy. Personally, I’m fine with that diagnosis, but the school isn’t.
In first grade, I was asked to take him for a neuropsychiatric evaluation for social anxiety. The neuropsychiatrist’s conclusion after a $450 evaluation: he’s shy. Okay, at some point, can we just move on and realize that he doesn’t have any of those big, fancy labels that would give him access to a school support specialist or other specialists?
This year, I’m being asked again to take him to occupational therapy to help him with his routines. And another $600 evaluation is on the horizon. It might seem like I’m fixated on money, but I assure you that’s not the case. I understand that money is worthless if my child is unhappy, has no friends, or isn’t doing well on his classroom assessments…
If that were really the case—which it isn’t! He’s happy, loves going to school, has two friends he talks to me about every day, and does well on all his tests. At this point, what’s the point of the labels people are trying to pin on him?
I’ve tried asking the school—which is requiring me to have him take all these tests—what the results would actually achieve for me, but I just don’t understand.
I’m told that knowing his diagnosis will help me be more patient with him, but why not just be more patient already? I’m told that knowing his diagnosis will help me explain to him why he’s more of a loner, but why wouldn’t I just tell him that he’s a loner because he’s my son and I’m like that myself? How would a label give him more comfort or understanding about who he is than I do, since I know him as if I’d knitted him myself? (Which is the case, by the way—I’m his mother, I carried him—he’s truly my child… and his father’s!)
I in no way judge parents who want to know, who want to understand—especially if it’s becoming a problem for their child in their daily life or in their learning. I understand that some young people need a diagnosis to receive better support and get medication that works for them. But for those like mine—who won’t need to take any pills and, above all, won’t cost the school administration any extra money—what’s the point of labels?