This morning is pure panic—I’m going through a terrible ordeal, the nightmare of an outdated wardrobe.
Before I go any further, you should know that I’m not a fashion victim at all. I’m a victim of time passing faster than I’d like and of years of pregnancy and breastfeeding. I’ve suddenly realized the state of my neglected wardrobe over the past five years. Yes, I’ve been wearing the same clothes—mostly from thrift stores—for five years. Ever since my first pregnancy. Three kids later, I feel worn out by my look, and I’m scared.
What do I look like?
What do I look like in my sweaters stretched out by time and my round bellies? What do I look like in my cardigans, worn thin with love over the years? What do I look like in my saggy underwear from back when I was in school? What do I look like in my sweatpants that are pilling in places I never could have imagined?
I feel like I’ve left myself behind in another era, as if my mirror has forgotten to reflect me and my sense of style. I think back to the other moms at my kids’ daycare—always so beautiful, so put-together. What do I look like next to them? How can my boyfriend still have any respect for me? How can he still dare to tell me I’m as beautiful as I was on our first day together when I look like I’ve let myself go?
It’s true, I’ve let my appearance slide. I’ve chosen instead to dress my kids appropriately for the seasons and their ever-changing sizes. It’s true, I don’t have the latest designs from top fashion designers. But my partner sees far beyond the cut of my blouse. I know I’m not dressed to the nines, but I’d rather watch my kids pick out my clothes and match my earrings before they tell me I’m beautiful and give me a quick kiss as they head off to play in the living room.
I may not be as beautiful as the other moms, but I know that my family’s smiles and the way they look at me are sincere. I know we’ve all gone through similar phases at different times. I’ll set aside a budget for a new look soon, for my self-confidence and self-esteem. I, too, will be as beautiful as they are, and I won’t wonder anymore what I look like.